He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
