Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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