WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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