I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
