We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
