my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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