you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
