covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
