Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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