You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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