I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
