im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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