I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
