Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
