Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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