i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
