We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
