i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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