end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
even my farts smell like vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
