Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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