i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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