the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
