if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
