i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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