i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
