im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm passing your future prison.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
