The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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