I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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