he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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