I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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