the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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