Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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