sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't you send me to vm
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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