You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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