y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
