i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
