3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
