I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
