I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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