I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
