Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
