That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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