i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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