worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
