then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
