Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
