I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
