Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
