We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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