She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
