it hurts more in the daytime
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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