I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
