dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my shit smells like andre
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
