She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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