I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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